"Do you need more than hard work to be successful?"

Currently I am reading the book "The Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell.  It is truly a fascinating book.  Malcolm Gladwell writes about success and how sometimes it isn't just drive that will make one person successful but also when and where they were born.  He has studied famous athletes, top business professional such as Bill Gates and theorized on the components of their success.

Some of the most interesting facts I have read are the 10,000 hours, the months that most professional athletes are born, and the trouble with geniuses.  Gladwell uses hard facts and statistics to collaborate his theories.  It is really a great read.  I don't want to divulge too much because one I am not done reading it and two some things are better for you to discover on your own.

I  recently finished the book "Beer School" by Steve Hindy and Tom Potter.  This is a book about two guys who love beer and decided to open a brewery in Brooklyn, NY.  They are the founders of the Brooklyn Brewery.  This is an interesting read about the beginnings of a brewery.  They talk openly and honestly about all of the trials and tribulations including dealing with organized crime and even a robbery at gun point. They conclude the book with a great chapter "Tom wants to know if you have what it takes."  This chapter asks several questions one can ask themselves before they embark on the entrepreneurial venture such as, "Have you ever achieved anything?"and  "Dreams vs. Reality".

 I will  continue to read about the fascinating lives of successful entrepreneurs and write about what it is that I am reading in the hopes to illicit the same curiosity. 

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover"  

Mark Twain, author

The Art of the Apology

Recently I was listening to NPR and they had this wonderful discussion about the lost art of the apology.  The woman, "Ask Amy" is a columnist in Chicago and recently wrote an Op Ed on Apologies.  One of her comments that I found so true was "If you think you should apologize, than you should."  It really can't be any clearer than that.  Your subconscious is trying to tell you something, you screwed up so to make it right, apologize.

The discussion went on to talk about the proper way to apologize.  First you must show contrition and truly be sincere.  After you apologize to the individual ask them if they will forgive you.  I recently had to ask my daughter for forgiveness.  Not only was I  very  sorry for what I had done, but  the results of my in-actions caused much heartache.  Her little hamster, Hershey, was rolling around in her plastic ball very content except for the dog that kept bothering her.  I was suppose to be watching her to make sure she was safe, I wasn't.  The lid came off and the worst thing that could of happened, happened.  The dog got to her and killed her.  She didn't die immediately so I was able to see first hand how my irresponsibility left a wake of despair and tragedy.  The next morning was horrific.  My daughter anxiously looked for her little buddy and when I had to tell her my heart broke and shattered.  She was devastated.  I apologized and apologized and asked for her forgiveness. 

I took responsibility for my actions, I didn't offer any excuses I asked her to forgive me and she did.  I am so very grateful that she has.  We are still mending our hearts but I have pledged to do what ever I can do to make it right.  From this terrible event I feel we both have grown.   My children know mommy can make some pretty terrible mistakes, I will always apologize, and I will always ask my children for forgiveness when I have wronged them.

Is there anyone you need to apologize to and ask for their forgiveness?

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone."

  ~Harriet Beecher Stowe, Little Foxes, 1865

 

Preparation + Dedication = SUCCESS

Recently I have begun the yearly ritual of helping my children with their homework.  Sitting down with them, explaining what the teacher is asking for,  and answering questions that luckily are only on a 2nd and 3rd grade levels.  I fear the day, which is right around the corner, that the answers won't come so easily.  I am teaching them about what it means to be prepared.  It will mean the difference between 80% right on their spelling test vs. 100% right.   I will encourage them to strive for the 100%.

So much of success in life is about being prepared.  When we fail we should ask ourselves had I been more prepared would I of succeeded? Did I really dedicate a sufficient amount of time to preparation?  If I were to do it over, what would I have done it  differently?  Do I need assistance and if so from whom?  Was I well organized?

After a little one on one with yourself,  think of a strategy for your  mission of attack.  You can win this war, just prepare yourself for the battle and go for it.

Here are some steps that might help you be better prepared.
1. Have a very clear vision of your goal.
2.  Determine what steps need to occur to reach that goal with 100% accuracy.
3. Think of any and all obstacles that you might incur and devise a strategy to overcoming them.
4. Devote more time than you think you might need to being prepared.
5. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
6. Give yourself homework assignments with specific due dates.  Hold yourself accountable.  Team up with another individual to keep you on target.
7. Research.  Knowledge is power.
8. Be open to learning different techniques and philosophies.
9. Seek out a mentor.
10. If you want to be the best at something find out who are the leaders in that area and emulate them.  This immediately brought to mind Michael Phelps.  If I want to be as good as a swimmer as him I should expect to be swimming 6 hours a day, 6 days a week without fail.  That may or may not make me as good but I would definitely be prepared.

When you are 110% prepared, your rate of success increases 10 fold as well as your self esteem.

"Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity"

Henry Hartman

The Do's and Don'ts of Borrowing

We have all lent out things to friends, family, or co-workers only to be disappointed in the amount of time it took for them to be returned and in some cases never.  As a borrower we are obligated to a certain number of unwritten rules.

First the item or items we borrow need to be returned in a timely manner.  The time frame is something that should be discussed immediately upon borrowing.  The time that it is lent out should be agreed upon by both parties but the borrower has the final say.  It is extremely respectful to pay close attention to the time you have been allotted.  I know I have been guilty of over stepping my borrowing allowance and I did not feel good about it.  If you still have an item and a month has passed, well I imagine you  have overdrawn on your borrowing allowance.  Returning the item will also help in keeping your house and mind clutter free.

Return the item clean and in the same if not better condition you borrowed it.  Recently I lent my minivan to a friend, she returned it with a full tank of gas, vacuumed, and had wiped the dash board with Amour All.  Needless to say I will lend my minivan to her anytime she feels she might need to borrow it.  I was extremely appreciative of the extra effort she took.

Don't take advantage of their generosity.  If you continue to borrow the same item over and over again, it might be time for you to invest in one of your own.  People don't mind lending things out but be considerate and show respect.  We all have experienced a chronic borrower.  We all know how it made us feel; incensed and irritated.  If this problem happens politely tell the individual "no" the next time they ask to borrow the item.  After the succession of "no's" they should get the hint.

So when you borrow, be respectful, return immediately when done, and be very thankful that you were lent the item in the first place.

"Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dull the edge of husbandry."

William Shakespeare

"Karma" and Random Acts of Kindness

Have you ever really thought about Karma.  According to Wikipedia, in the Buddhism belief is that "Karma" is directly related  to motives behind action.  The motivation usually will make the difference between good and bad.  I can tell you first hand I firmly believe it is true.  Have you ever done something knowing you shouldn't and then got caught?  Have you ever taken something only to have it break?  Have you ever done something nice for another person and then a string of great things happened to you?

When you are out about in your travels perform a random act of kindness.  (Good karma) Then sit and watch how your day will transform for the better.  Here are some things I have done as well as I have read about others doing;

       Treat the person behind you in the drive thru line to a free cup of coffee.

       Pay for a strangers toll and tell the toll booth attendant to tell them to have a wonderful day.

       Send a thank you card to your pediatrician, doctor, dentist
       or any specialist that has helped to keep you well.
       When you receive great customer service, ask to see the manager to compliment the employee. 
       Send in a comment card to the manager/owner of a company describing your excellent experience.

       Make some cookies and give them to your mailman, the UPS driver, or anyone else that may make frequent stops at your house  as a thank you.

       Leave a fresh summer bouquet of flowers on an anonymous door step.

       Walk your streets and clean up the trash.

       When you know a friend is having a difficult time send a little note of inspiration.

        Buy a meal for a homeless person.

       Leave a flower and a note on a car wishing the person a great day.

       For your loved ones, put hidden notes of love in briefcases, lunch boxes, wallets, sun visors, in between their cell phone or any place upon opening they will be nicely surprised.

       Take a week off from negative comments.  Make it a compliments only week.

       Help the elderly.  Volunteer at a nursing home/ shelter or senior center.

Try any one of the above and I promise you, the return on investment is better than anything you will ever earn from the stock market or pay check.  You will be surprised when you act in such a grateful giving manner the inner rewards that you will receive.

The Hindu religion believes that Karma is produced in 4 ways.
 1) through thoughts
 2) through words
 3) through actions that we perform ourselves
 4) through actions other do under our instructions

So if you follow the above and want good "Karma", which I know I do, then I will have to have positive thoughts, offer positive uplifting words to others, act in a manner that is positive energy and ask those around me to help me with some random acts of kindness.

I find that when I adhere to the above, good things usually come my way but that is not my purpose for doing such acts.  Now these rewards aren't usually monumental or life changing, i.e. getting a good parking spot at the mall, finding a dollar,  but I ALWAYS feel inexplicably good.  As one of the credit cards summed it up nicely "Priceless."

So promise yourself to perform one random act of kindness tomorrow and start to illicit good "Karma" because it is only one act away.

"Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny. "

Tryon Edwards

 

Me, the mouse, and blue painters tape

Have you ever had a guest show up uninvited, leave a mess, and assume they can come and go as they please without asking?  Well I had such a visitor this weekend....his name was "Mr. Mouse."  I was unaware of his arrival until I found his left over mess on  my kitchen counter.  Needless to say, I was extremely grossed out and a bit disturbed.  I do not pride myself on being a neat freak but I do try and keep a very clean kitchen.  Since my husband (the neat freak in our house) was away for the holiday, I took a little holiday from doing dishes.  There may have been 7-8 dishes in my sink that were on their way to the dishwasher but they were having so much fun hanging out with each other,  I didn't want to break the party up so I let them stay and hang.  Bad idea.  Mr. Mouse must have been watching and seeing all the fun they were having because he decided to join the party in the wee hours of the night.

What a party it must of been.  Leftover sandwich crumbs, powdered sugar on plates (big hit),  egg residue and the piece de resistance....a cup that at one time held my scoops of dark chocolate ice cream.  He went crazy.  I am sure he felt he died and had gone to mouse heaven.  I, on the other hand, could not of felt more dirty  when I saw what was left.  One word sums it up...."GROSS"

My head was screaming..."SANITIZE, SANITIZE, SANITIZE!"  Out came all the cleaning products we owned.  I immediately broke the dish party up and advised them that this party was over.  Into the dishwasher they all went even the sponge joined them.  Everything on my counter, floor and anywhere else I could see was SANITIZED, wiped, RE-SANITIZED, re-wiped, re-sanitized, and re-wiped.  I was not going to let my uninvited guest get away with this.

Once my cleaning was complete, I pondered now what.  I could put a trap underneath the stove but then if it caught him what then.  I didn't want to have to deal with the cleanup.  Next option, poison.  Not the nicest of ideas but the alternative was worse- late night mouse parties in my kitchen on my counter.  So something had to be done and I had decided poison + a little deterrent- blue painters tape was the solution.  Where ever there was a hole, a possible entrance way, or even a little crevice that my guest could crash the party was taped shut with bright blue painters tape.  See picture.

After remodeling my kitchen and feeling a little tired,  I took a break to relax.  Some time had passed when I began to hear an unwelcome noise coming from the kitchen.  The sound was of something pushing against the cardboard underneath the stove...he was back.  I guess he didn't get the picture from all of the painters tape that he is not welcome and should find somewhere else to go and party.  I quickly flicked on the lights after stepping over my two big useless watch dogs and entered the kitchen.

 

Kilty, the dog on the left is a 120 lb. over weight Rhodesian Ridgeback.  In her native land, Africa,  this breed is used to hunt lions.  I don't think she would do well as a lion hunter she can't even capture a little itty bitty mouse.  Porter just put his paw up and groaned.  He was too tired to hunt mice tonight. He needed to rest because he had only napped 20 hours of his 24 hour day.  So I ventured into no mans land to see what was waiting for me.  To my surprise ....NOTHING.  My painters tape had worked.  Yahoo.  I gave the cardboard a quick tap to let the little guy know I was onto him then I left the lights on and went to bed.  I can only hope in the morning Mr. Mouse didn't crash the kitchen party.  His buddies, Mr. Plates and Mrs. Bowls and their extended family members the Utensils were all quietly resting at the Kenmore Spa.

So until tomorrow I will keep my fingers crossed that Mr. Mouse has found a new partying place.

"The best plans of men and mice often go awry." 

Robert Burns

"Promises"

This weekend I finally fulfilled a promise I had made to my 8 year old daughter.  I cannot begin to tell you the sense of relief I feel.  Back in February I had promised her I would take her and a friend to an indoor water park for her 8th birthday.  Due to unforeseen circumstances we weren't able to go.  I was reminded periodically about my promise.  I always responded with another promise that I will keep my promise.  Well this weekend I was finally able to keep my word and fulfill it.  It is amazing how mature and 8 year old can be.  After our wonderful day, she thanked me and said "Now Mom you don't have to worry any more about keeping your promise.  It is behind you and we can move on."   She was right. This experience led to a wonderful discussion between my daughters and I about "Promises".

According to Webster's Dictionary a "promise is an agreement to do or not to do something: a vow."  We have all had promises broken in our lives.  We all know the sense of disappointment we feel.  We all have made promises and both kept them as well as broke them.  So how do we make sure that we keep our promises.  Bottom line we just do.  When we commit to something we stick with it and follow through.  We make sure we are a man/woman of our word.  We don't make promises we can't keep.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I  value and respect  a person who keeps their word.  Be honest.  Don't tell someone something just to make them happy, it only hurts in the long run.

My daughters and I went over my promise.  We talked openly about why it took so long  to happen, it was an expensive day,  as well as how it made them feel when I kept it.  We also talked about had I not kept my promise,  how would they have felt.  I made sure they fully understood the importance of keeping their word and when you do what the results are.

This experience reminded of a promise never kept by my grandmother.  She had made a certain promise to both my sister and I for our 16th birthday, that she would take us on a trip just the three of us.  It never happened.  I never forgot.   I wasn't angry with her, just disappointed.  So in a way I benefited from her broken promise, I am very careful as to what I promise my children.  Thankfully there are a  lot of other phrases that can be used that don't command the same commitment as the words "I promise".

They are:  maybe, we'll see, we might, hopefully, no guarantees, I'll try, possibly, eventually.

These are words/phrases I would impart when I am not a 100% sure I can keep a promise.  I'm very selective when I use the phrase "I promise" because I know what is expected of me and I only promise something if I know I can keep it.    So the next time you make a promise, think long and hard, because the person you are promising  is counting on you 100% to follow through and if you are not sure then say "We'll see."

"Losers make promises they often break.  Winners make commitments they always keep."  ~Denis Waitley

 

Following Your Dreams

Recently I watched the movie, "Pursuit of Happyness", and a certain quote from Will Smith really impacted me.  He was talking to his son and giving some fatherly advice and he said, "Protect your dreams."  I thought how poignant that statement was.  It has really made me think.

We own our dreams.  They are ours and ours alone.  We owe it to ourselves to protect them.  I believe the best way to protect your dreams is to never let them go.  If you continuously keep them in the forefront of your mind, you will never lose sight of them.  Below are some easy ways to help keep those dreams front and center.

Talk about them.  Talk to anyone and everyone who will listen.  When you keep verbally repeating your dreams, you create a strong sense of ownership.  You will maintain positive affirmations about your dreams.  Knowing that your friends and family are aware of your dreams, you will want to prove to them as well as to yourself, you are man/woman of your word.

Write them down.  Describe your dreams in as much detail as possible.

Visualize them.  If possible cut a picture out of your dreams and post them where you will constantly be reminded of them.

Research your dreams.  The research will determine the feasibility and opportunities that exist for you to achieve them.

Protect them from the nay sayers.  We all know who those people are.  Share your dreams only with people who are going to encourage you to fulfill them.  Limit your exposure from those who want to tear them down.

Remember dreams are the thoughts that inspire us and push us to try harder.  They offer refuge.   They get us excited.   They can help to fill a void.

When you are following your dreams whether you have just started or you are  half-way through, or even finished, you feel a beautiful sense of wonderment.  Many times it can be contagious and can lead to others pursuing their own.

So remember as Will Smith said it best, "PROTECT YOUR DREAMS."

"The supreme object of life is to live.  Few people live.  It is true life only to realize one's own perfection, to make one's EVERY dream a reality."

Oscar Wilde

The First Day of School

Yesterday was the first day of school for my two daughters.  They awoke with anticipation excitement and butterflies.  The dressed eagerly and with great care.  First impressions are important even to a seven and eight year old.  They ate a light healthy breakfast because the butterflies were taking up too much space in their  tummies.  They put on their backpacks, Mommy and Daddy took pictures, the bus came, we kissed good-bye and they left.

I cried.

I cried for so many reasons.  I cried because I will miss them.  I will miss their noise, their faces, their company, their laughter, their yelling, their commotion, I will just miss them.  It is hard to believe that the summer is already over.  It ended the night they had to go to bed early because they had to get up for school the next day.  How I love letting them stay up late and get up when they want.  I love that the day is free to do whatever we want.  I love summer for all of those reasons and then some.

The street was quiet Monday.  No bikes were out.  No kids running around the yard yelling, "1, 2, 3, 4, here I come!", no loud laughter coming from the playscape,  silence.  Sad heart wrenching quietness.  The first day for school for me is always hard.  I don't like saying good-bye to what was,  my special time with my kids.   I am excited they love school.  I can only hope my children's love affair with school never ends.  I hope they never feel satiated and always desire more.

Their new school year has just begun.  They will learn so much.  I too am looking forward to relearning many things.  How lucky are we. We get to go back to school, re-educate ourselves on things we have long forgotten and not have to worry about the final grade.  So as my children promise to do their best in school this year, I too will promise them that I will do my best as a parent to help them.

In the meantime, I will be counting the days and weeks till we can stay up late, sleep in, do what we want when we want , and just spend unlimited time together.

"There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart." Celia Thaxter